HiBAiSHi

I bought new cereal at the ASDA the other day, a painful ordeal that consisted of a long bus ride in the rain listening to idiotic kids with fake guns (seriously, they would have been jumped by security in America but no one actually owns a gun here so they were obviously fake) quoting Borat the entire time and making obnoxious comments. Anyway, I bring this up because instead of going to Victoria station nice and early, we decided to sit down and eat the new cereal. Tai even decided to bring the leftover milk and a bag of leftover cereal with him on the Underground. He poured some of the cereal into the milk carton. It was awkward. Once again, we had to run to make sure we caught our coach.

After an all night bus ride, we stayed with Isaac Wang. If you don’t know this guy, then you have to imagine a very fobby-looking (he hadn’t shaved his wispy little Asian mustache since arriving in Glasgow), “PrYd3ful ChIna bOi” (he actually types like that), who embodies conservative and christian ideals like no other – and despite growing up in a sketchy Houston area he unfortunately learned how to talk. He is extremely homophobic and likes to sound educated by bringing up biased examples of conservative superiority, and really supports America.”

So while most studying in Glasgow, including two of my former editors, would revel in the amazing independent scene that has dominated the area, Isaac prefers to play Tekken five hours a day and deludes himself into thinking that he is the best Tekken player ever. In the past week, Glasgow was home to concerts from bands such as the White Stripes, Cold War Kids, and the Arcade Fire – Isaac knows nothing of this and prefers listening to Ne-Yo and watching comedies with laugh tracks because he doesn’t know when to laugh at the ones without them.

Needless to say, we only walked around Glasgow for a morning. However, somehow outside of Tekken he has found time to travel and we went to Edinburgh and Stirling where we saw castles and bagpipes and kilts and giant swords! Some things I figured out:

1. Kilts are really expensive, especially the good ones. They’re basically formal wear similar to Tuxedos and you’re unlikely to get the whole ensemble for less than 100 pounds.
2. Braveheart is ridiculously, ridiculously historically inaccurate. I hate Mel Gibson. For the very famous “Battle of Stirling Bridge,” Mel Gibson got rid of the bridge! When asked by a local why the Battle of Stirling Bridge was filmed on an open plain, Gibson answered that “the bridge got in the way.” “Aye,” the local answered. “That’s what the English found.”
3. A scottish accent is incredibly difficult to understand sometimes, especially when it comes from a drunkard on a bus.
4. Daylight savings time is terrible because it’s dark in Scotland at around 4 p.m.
5. It rains a lot in Scotland. A lot. I forgot my umbrella and still have yet to use it.

So I totally had to watch Braveheart when I got back, and I think it’s ridiculous how old Mel Gibson looks and I can’t figure out what movies he has been in when he was young. What was he famous for? Mad Max? Lethal Weapon? Women actually find him good looking? It’s very confusing to me. The Wallace Monument does have a statue of him in the front though. Very strange.